my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
