the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
