this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
