I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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