either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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