Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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