remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
