The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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