and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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