i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
