Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
