I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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