before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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