whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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