If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
