he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
