ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
