Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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