i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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