a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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