She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
