Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
