I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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