yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
