I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
