Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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