Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
