Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
