I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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