a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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