dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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