ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
