ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The adults are the big ones right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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