I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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