I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
