Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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