weddingsv make me drug and hornr
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
