Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
