We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
