I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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