As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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