please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
