i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
