don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
