I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i need some magic done to my vagina
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
