You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
