Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
