So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
