Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I touched a dick in church today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
