Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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