We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
