can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
