I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
