Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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