Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
